- Meister Eckhart
I have been thinking allot lately about how my fear of failing is preventing me from really doing what I most desperately want to do. I write posts that are never published, play with the idea of selling art again, wish that I was running more but get frustrated that I am so out of shape that I can only run 2 miles and end up skipping the run.
Funny thing I never thought of myself someone that was afraid of anything. I have done so many things that other people think of as brave, but for a while now I have been holding back and I am not sure what I am afraid of loosing or even what I am afraid of in general, but I am becoming more aware that inaction is scarier than doing something.
So, here I go again. I will be spending time trying to figure out what action I want to take. I might start with the little fears: actually post some art for sale on my etsy site, and finally submit the blog posts I committed to write months ago for Sweet Notions.
On a bigger scale: I am going to figure out a way to get out of debt, even if that means facing my fear of a boring un-fashionable life in which I have to feel like I have to let people down because my budget doesn't let me say yes to everything. To be honest I think this is my biggest fear: that I can't live a life that will get me out of debt and that if I try to get out of debt I will fail. I am afraid can't be responsible enough to pay things off, and that if I do create a budget I will stop having fun, my clothes will all magically go out of style overnight (never mind the fact most of my dresses where made over 30 years ago), and that people will stop wanting to hang out with me if I keep insisting that we eat in and go on walks, hikes, and bike rides.
However, I am realizing that the thing that is even scarier than debt is how debt limits me. It is so much harder to be generous and seek out opportunities to serve when I have to think so much about money. Despite all my chatter about how messed up our consumer economy is I have bought in more than I can afford and it is time for me to pay up.
Wow, that was one scary confession, but I am hoping that because this is a blog that is supposed to talk about simplicity it will be a good space for me to share and hear from others about my journey towards a debt free life.
If you have any advice please feel free to comment. I am hoping that along with continuing to share posts about all the places I shop, I will also be posting about creating a livable budget.
Love
6 comments:
Good for you, girl! We have committed to making some personal financial sacrifices as well so we can be more responsible and giving with our money. To be honest, you're right - it does suck to have to say "no" to things. Especially when you *technically have the money, you just need to use it for something else. For me saying "no" was easier when I was in college and I was literally broke and *couldn't do anything.
I have sooooo much more than I could ever really need, yet somehow cutting back seems like such a burden! I try to remind myself of that whenever I come across a new dress I just *have to have, or see something that's "too cute to pass up." Aside from the financial aspect I just don't need any more stuff!
I'll be happy to eat dinner in or go on a walk with you ... after all, I am a starving student again :)
Sarah, I applaud your honesty. If you want to come over for tea and talk budgeting and simplicity, I'd love to have you (or if you simply want to have a sympathetic listening ear about struggling with new habits, I'm down for that, too). I'm around through the end of June and then back in August.
Um, I will ALWAYS be up for a bike ride, walk, hike, painting our own damn nails, etc.
I'm proud of you. Don't stop.
I don't usually read blogs but I read yours and I really appreciate your honesty! I'll go on walks with you!
Hey Sarah! I just came across your blog and something drew me into reading it.
I can relate to your comments. I am not helping myself lately and seem to have problems completing tasks day to day. My work changed in the last couple of years and I now work from home which I am finding quite isolating and lonely. I'm starting to 'help' myself more day by day, little by little. Inaction is indeed very bad. An old teacher told me recently "When you do nothing, nothing happens. When you do something, something happens." This rings true for me. Whenever I reach out, I get great to amazing results.
Don't pressure yourself so much day to day. It never helps to torture yourself even to do good work. Go for a hike in your area everyday if you can and work your exercise routine up from there. It really does help. Change one thing at a time and build up from there. Get motivated and keep your friends close. We all go through this.
I lost my parents within an 18 month time frame 4 years ago and nothing has ever been the same. I need to snap out of whatever this is and get strong again. Something good always happens when I reach out for help or for work opportunities. Nike is right: Just Do It!
Wow, thank you all so much for your comments and support.
Alexis: I totally feel you on how much harder it feels to say no now. Now that I have a real job I think I feel a pressure to be able to afford everything, and I always feel like I can justify it because I have access to the money to get it (even if sometimes that money is credit.)
Lisa: You are always great for helping me think through simplicity. I would love to come over soon!
Jac!!: I will miss you while you are in Africa, but when you come back I cannot wait to paint my own damn nails with you and ride our bikes together.
Elaine: I am so excited that you are interested in going on walks with me!
Sharon: I appreciate your words of support and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are finding the support you need.
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