Or at least the crazy talk that goes on in my head.
Lap 1 - I am already board and the goal is 4 miles
Lap 2- Already tired of running, there is no way I am going to make it to 3 miles - wait the goal is 4, crap
Lap 3- almost a 4th of the way to the finish
Lap 4- serious pep talk begins- a quarter of the way done- keep going
Lap 5-wondering thoughts
Lap 6- half way - nope not true the goal is 4 miles
Lap 7- just keep moving, I don't like this song
Lap 8- half way, you can't quit after half way, keep going
Lap 9- Just Dance- thank you Lady GaGa
Lap 10 - just a mile and a half more, I can do this
Lap 11- those people are faster than me, I should run faster
Lap 12- wait is this lap 12, it might be lap 11, shoot I lost count, I'll just have to add one
Lap 12- again
Lap 13- 3 more I can do this
Lap 14 - 3 more? seriously I need to find a way to count down better
Lap 15- lets say 2 more that way I will know for sure I did 4 miles
Lap 15- again
Lap 16- almost done, what if I do 5 miles, I should run the last part faster, unless I am running 5 miles then I don't want to waist all my energy going faster... but the faster I run the faster I am done, I can totally do 5 miles
Lap 17- I am doing 5 miles
Lap 18- so doing 5 miles, easy
Lap 19- almost done with 5 miles, so easy
Lap 20- what if I do 6 miles
Lap 21- yep doing 6 miles
Lap 22- I need better music if I am going to run 6 miles
Lap 23- The Killers, smile like you mean it
Lap 24- 6 miles done
Lap 25- walking
Lap 26- why are all the gates of this track locked?
half a mile walk home
6 miles done- half marathon in February? Bring it on
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Crafty Night
After staying out late too many nights this week I decided to stay in an craft. These are some of the pieces I created. They are all promised to someone, but if you like them let me know! I can make something uniquely for you!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Additional Blog
So as I have been getting back into researching and publishing human trafficking info I have decided to create a blog dedicated to the topic: abolitionist diva was started tonight. Check it out if you like.
http://abolitionistdiva.blogspot.com/
http://abolitionistdiva.blogspot.com/
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Uneven
All of my life I have been an artist. Often I have been a perfectionist. Even worse, I have regularly left artistic dreams unfulfilled because the project was evolving imperfectly.
One such time of frustrating imperfection happened during my childhood/adolescence. I was in my grandmother's home. I am not sure how old I was, but old enough to think I knew a few things about life. I was crafting with my grandmother and making some sort of doll. The doll was a woman.
I was cramming cotton into the figure to make it the right shape. I was old enough to know that the boobs on my doll were supposed to be even.
As I let out an overly expressive juvenile groan of frustration my grandmother calmly informed me that I really should not worry about it. After all, her breast were uneven.
My grandmother is a survivor. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and they were able to remove it. She opted out of full reconstructive surgery. She is secure in the beauty of being stronger than a disease. In that moment she inspired me, and she still does.
I decided my doll was more perfect in her imperfection, and I left the cotton stuffing uneven.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. If you can give to the research please do. If you are woman check yourself regularly. If you are a man remember the women in your life and pray for them.
Grandma - I know you read this. I hope I did not embarrass you. You inspire me and I wanted to share your inspiration with anyone else that reads this. I love you so much. Thank you for fighting it.
One such time of frustrating imperfection happened during my childhood/adolescence. I was in my grandmother's home. I am not sure how old I was, but old enough to think I knew a few things about life. I was crafting with my grandmother and making some sort of doll. The doll was a woman.
I was cramming cotton into the figure to make it the right shape. I was old enough to know that the boobs on my doll were supposed to be even.
As I let out an overly expressive juvenile groan of frustration my grandmother calmly informed me that I really should not worry about it. After all, her breast were uneven.
My grandmother is a survivor. She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and they were able to remove it. She opted out of full reconstructive surgery. She is secure in the beauty of being stronger than a disease. In that moment she inspired me, and she still does.
I decided my doll was more perfect in her imperfection, and I left the cotton stuffing uneven.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. If you can give to the research please do. If you are woman check yourself regularly. If you are a man remember the women in your life and pray for them.
Grandma - I know you read this. I hope I did not embarrass you. You inspire me and I wanted to share your inspiration with anyone else that reads this. I love you so much. Thank you for fighting it.
Monday, October 5, 2009
LOVE
I will forever be perplexed by the concept of being in love. It is not that I have never fallen, in fact I do it once every few years. It is that I have never loved someone who has loved me, or at least been 'in' love with me. I have been loved by wonderful men, but none of them were 'in' love with me (Yes, I am that girl with deep and wonderful guy/girl friendships). So every now and then, as I attend weddings, and see comfortable couples sitting together on the BART, I wonder how it happens for some, and not for others. I wonder at the magic of finding someone. To many people this might sound naive; however, Solomon in his wisdom considered that way of a man with a woman to be one of the greatest forms of wisdom. If finding your way with the opposite sex is one of the greatest forms of wisdom then you have to agree that it must be at least a little complicated.
LOVE
Just out of reach I see you
The story I cannot seem to write for myself
I see you
The tale that is not mine to tell
Just beyond my grasping fingers you are there
The promise that is not mine
It is not that I want you
It is that I am intrigued
How did you become who you are
While I was becoming me?
How did you fall into something so beautiful
While I was diving into something else?
Somehow you found that comfortable place
And I found that itch for more
You were written with someone to hold
I crafted tall tales of men to want, but never have
You are the story I thought I would live
Still you are the sun passing beneath the horizon
While I am gazing at uncharted space
It is not that I want you
It is just that tonight I am perplexed by you
Tomorrow you will be hidden by my work, my projects, my goals and my adventures
Tomorrow you will be a memory of dream, of dream
Tonight you are the mystery that I long to comprehend
Tonight you are the story I cannot write for myself
LOVE
Just out of reach I see you
The story I cannot seem to write for myself
I see you
The tale that is not mine to tell
Just beyond my grasping fingers you are there
The promise that is not mine
It is not that I want you
It is that I am intrigued
How did you become who you are
While I was becoming me?
How did you fall into something so beautiful
While I was diving into something else?
Somehow you found that comfortable place
And I found that itch for more
You were written with someone to hold
I crafted tall tales of men to want, but never have
You are the story I thought I would live
Still you are the sun passing beneath the horizon
While I am gazing at uncharted space
It is not that I want you
It is just that tonight I am perplexed by you
Tomorrow you will be hidden by my work, my projects, my goals and my adventures
Tomorrow you will be a memory of dream, of dream
Tonight you are the mystery that I long to comprehend
Tonight you are the story I cannot write for myself
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I want to write a better ending
Incomplete
I am hiding in walls,
sleeping in spaces cramped and small
tears too dry to fall,
on cheeks too bruised to hurt
my skin too tender to feel,
still my heart is strong,
beating, beat by beat,
like a clock counting down to the next man to come here,
to the next violent moment,
to the rescue that might never come,
for a child that no one knows is missing...
I want to write a story of rescue.
I want to write of The One that redeems.
I want to end this poem with hope, but I fear that there are two types of wisdom: the wisdom of what should be and the wisdom of what is.
What is, is the reality that most girls in prostitution or slavery are not rescued.
I want to write of the God who took on flesh to feel the pain that all humans feel.
I want to write of Jesus with skin that was broken, ripped apart, bruised and bleeding.
I want to write that this girl knows that God has heard her cry, but until we stand up for her, until we find her, until we pray and cry out for her, I do not know that I can genuinely end a poem of heart break with hope, because we are her rescuers and so few of us are running to her, so few of us are taking on her pain.
This is not an accusation, because I cannot accuse you as I sit in my apartment on my computer, comfortable with food in my stomach.
Still, it is where I am at with this poem.
I cannot end it well, because I fear her story does not end well.
Redeemer,
Hear their cries, help me to cry with them, the men, women, and children, break our hearts, move us to mercy and action, guide us, and equip us to be their rescuer.
Give her hope, use me.
Amen.
I am hiding in walls,
sleeping in spaces cramped and small
tears too dry to fall,
on cheeks too bruised to hurt
my skin too tender to feel,
still my heart is strong,
beating, beat by beat,
like a clock counting down to the next man to come here,
to the next violent moment,
to the rescue that might never come,
for a child that no one knows is missing...
I want to write a story of rescue.
I want to write of The One that redeems.
I want to end this poem with hope, but I fear that there are two types of wisdom: the wisdom of what should be and the wisdom of what is.
What is, is the reality that most girls in prostitution or slavery are not rescued.
I want to write of the God who took on flesh to feel the pain that all humans feel.
I want to write of Jesus with skin that was broken, ripped apart, bruised and bleeding.
I want to write that this girl knows that God has heard her cry, but until we stand up for her, until we find her, until we pray and cry out for her, I do not know that I can genuinely end a poem of heart break with hope, because we are her rescuers and so few of us are running to her, so few of us are taking on her pain.
This is not an accusation, because I cannot accuse you as I sit in my apartment on my computer, comfortable with food in my stomach.
Still, it is where I am at with this poem.
I cannot end it well, because I fear her story does not end well.
Redeemer,
Hear their cries, help me to cry with them, the men, women, and children, break our hearts, move us to mercy and action, guide us, and equip us to be their rescuer.
Give her hope, use me.
Amen.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Goals for 2009 evaluated
So I just turned 27 (a few weeks ago) and the year is almost 3/4 done so I am evaluating my progress on these goals - I am bit scared b/c I don't think I am doing so hot.
My goals for 2009-
write meaningfully - doing it some, should do it more
run- maybe even race - doing some, need to do more
become 'gainfully' employed - completed the task today- it requires 2 jobs but I am on it
take the GRE and rock it - nope
go on a trip for fun- pure pleasure, nothing else (preferably one that involves a national park) - do day trips count?? I went to Big Basin last weekend
get one of the two major tattoos I want - appointment has been made :)
live the vows made with Seven - on it
hang out with my mom in San Francisco - DONE!! JOYFULLY DONE!!
Overcome my irrational fear of 'steep' things (yes I know I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of steep things- I am scared a lot) - working on it and getting better
start saving money to buy property - nope
remember how it feels to be deeply in love with my Creator - often yes
spend a weekend in silence - not yet
wear lipstick - yes
mail letters using the actual postal service - no
take pictures on film and develop them - lost my camera in Houston :(
decorate my room - nope I am homeless and couch surfing so this will have to wait
paint something honest - haha, I don't even want to go there
fight human trafficking - invite another community to do their own version of ABOLITION - I am leading it for a second time
prepare for ordination, get licensed and become a pastor - harder than expected but working on it
meditate on the cross with out forgetting the life of Jesus - I feel like I am growing in this area
meditate on the life of Jesus without neglecting the death and resurrection - I feel like I am getting this one more and more each day
paint my nails on a regular basis - nope they are still tiny bitten little nubs
visit my senators office in San Francisco - nope, but I have called
pray more - oh I have prayed so much more
love more - this year has taught me so much about loving people despite hurt and frustration
listen more - not sure that I can quantify this one, but I would say I am growing
ride my bike - nope, I hate hill the end
walk to work more - easy
be open to the new and adventurous - very open, I am not sure I have a choice!
take daring steps of faith - I feel like that phrase defines my life
Well that was a reality check. It has been an interesting year.
My goals for 2009-
write meaningfully - doing it some, should do it more
run- maybe even race - doing some, need to do more
become 'gainfully' employed - completed the task today- it requires 2 jobs but I am on it
take the GRE and rock it - nope
go on a trip for fun- pure pleasure, nothing else (preferably one that involves a national park) - do day trips count?? I went to Big Basin last weekend
get one of the two major tattoos I want - appointment has been made :)
live the vows made with Seven - on it
hang out with my mom in San Francisco - DONE!! JOYFULLY DONE!!
Overcome my irrational fear of 'steep' things (yes I know I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of steep things- I am scared a lot) - working on it and getting better
start saving money to buy property - nope
remember how it feels to be deeply in love with my Creator - often yes
spend a weekend in silence - not yet
wear lipstick - yes
mail letters using the actual postal service - no
take pictures on film and develop them - lost my camera in Houston :(
decorate my room - nope I am homeless and couch surfing so this will have to wait
paint something honest - haha, I don't even want to go there
fight human trafficking - invite another community to do their own version of ABOLITION - I am leading it for a second time
prepare for ordination, get licensed and become a pastor - harder than expected but working on it
meditate on the cross with out forgetting the life of Jesus - I feel like I am growing in this area
meditate on the life of Jesus without neglecting the death and resurrection - I feel like I am getting this one more and more each day
paint my nails on a regular basis - nope they are still tiny bitten little nubs
visit my senators office in San Francisco - nope, but I have called
pray more - oh I have prayed so much more
love more - this year has taught me so much about loving people despite hurt and frustration
listen more - not sure that I can quantify this one, but I would say I am growing
ride my bike - nope, I hate hill the end
walk to work more - easy
be open to the new and adventurous - very open, I am not sure I have a choice!
take daring steps of faith - I feel like that phrase defines my life
Well that was a reality check. It has been an interesting year.
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