Sunday, April 27, 2008

Easter and Passover

Yesterday was a beautiful day.

In the evening I went to a Passover Seder meal hosted by a new dear friend. She is Jewish Christian. The evening was beautiful. We sat on the floor, ate the bitter herb till we cried, read the story of Exodus, repeated traditional blessings, and sang traditional songs. 

There was one song that stood out as particularly beautiful. The chorus is simple repetition of the phrase it would have been enough. 

Dahy-dahyenu, dahy-dahyenu, dahy-dahyenu, dahyenu, dahyenu, dahyenu.

The song goes through in 3 traditional verses with one added for the Jewish Christian people. The verses state that it would have been enough had God taken the Jews out of Egypt. IT would have been enough had God only given the Torah. It would have been enough had God only given the Sabbath.  Then lastly we sang it would have been enough had God only sent Messiah. God has done so much more than enough for us.

From the meal I went to an Orthodox Pascha service. It was beautiful. We lit candles at midnight, in reflection of the light that has come into the world. (John 1) It was a beautiful night. Honestly I could hardly keep my eyes open (service began at 11pm and went until 2) but it was still beautiful. 

Christ is Risen!! and it would have been enough even had He never come, but not only did Messiah come, but in coming He gave us redemption. 

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Palm Sunday (Orthodox)

There is too much to be said and my vocabulary lacks the power to put this all into words, but I will try.

He entered the city in triumph. She washed his feet unaware that she was anointing him for burial. She knew the need to be forgiven and He knew our need for redemption. 

This is the story that began with the called out ones. This is the story that was foretold by the prophets. This is hope and renewal. This is the call for repentance and a promise of forgiveness. Christ came. He heard the shouts of rejoicing that would soon turn against him. He chose his fate, knowing that we could not bear it. On a donkey like a prophet of old, greeted like a King, he ushered in the Kingdom. He brought us grace.

I cannot express my need for grace. I have nothing to wash the Lord's feet with, no garments to place on his path. All I can do is be mournfully grateful as I await the day of Celebration.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

over whelmed - and maybe I should not put this out for the world to see

So I just talked to my sister about my life...

See I am hoping to work for ReIMAGINE full time next year. The thing is that I have to raise support. (Yes, get ready, if you are my friend I will be asking you to give me money.) 

My thing is part of me really feels like the conversation I have been having with God is about how God will provide. It is also about how God wants to teach me simplicity. What better motivation to live simply than living on the generosity of others to provide for the work God has brought me into?

But then she thinks that I need to get a job that pays actual money, and the hard part is I do feel like she has a valid voice in my life. I mean her suggestion that I look for a job as an administrative assistant seems like a bad plan, but the point that I could get a job with an actual salary might be valid.

I believe I need to have faith that God will provide, but what if I am expecting the wrong form of provision? 

So yeah please pray for me. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

the Diva thing

looking through photos of me in India, it was like I could smell the air, and feel the heat, and i was there again, my life changing with every exhausting moment, with the photos to prove it.
my eyes were tiered, my face was swollen (it is odd to look back on it now because the swelling was a result of the gluten and i didn't even know it) i looked wretched, and yet these pictures are so full of life that i love them, I would display them any where, it is possible that these are some of the most beautiful pictures of me that i know of, and i look exactly how i feel in them, tiered, no makeup, i have been traveling for days and weeks, by all standards of beauty i look bad, but those where the moments that changed my life forever and in each one of the photos I can see a moment when I was alive, moody and sloppy, but alive

just after looking at those pictures i came across others from just after that trip, it was a night out with the girls, again i could remember every bit of that night, decadent food, great wine, goofing off for hours, i spent enough money on food that night to have fed a family in India for at least a month, to have fed me on my current grocery budget for at least two weeks, my make up is perfect, my smile is great, it was a really fun evening, no bags under my eyes, I was with really good friends, i was laughing, it was easy, it was living.

i guess i am just surprised sometimes by how easy it is to miss the moments that shape us and then move back into old habits, and old rules of beauty. it is so easy to move from simplicity into being a diva, after all didn't i earn it, i was so tiered for so long as i traveled i earned a night out with the girls... but if that is the case then how is it that when i see the pictures of me tiered I see so much more beauty in that moment?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

God saw what God had created and it was very good

I often forget how much I love working out.

In fact I forget to a point where I don't do it for months on end. Then something jump starts me and I am back in the gym.

As anyone has ever seen me knows I am not thin or even really muscular. I am a cute- almost short- curvy type- that loves songs about 'thick' women cause I am one. So I don't work out to look hot. When I do get into that groove I end up never going and hating it. I love working out because I love how tiny muscles start to hurt just a bit. I love how you start feeling connected to your self. With each step you feel the body that God created just for you to live in. Even hours later your nerves are more aware that they are part of this whole fabulous intricate machine that is God's creation. 

"So God created human beings in God's own image,
in the image of God God created them;
male and female God created them." Gen 1:27

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

pounding in my chest
tears sneaking to the surface
my veins carry hurt through every part of my being

there is nothing inside me but the overpowering frustration
and then- I breath

the next morning it is gone
laugher is echoing in my mind reminding me of the joys all around me

the air is light 
i am free

my heart pounds with excitement of all that the new day brings
everything is new
everything is an adventure

the bright sun reminds me
this is a hopeful day

Monday, April 7, 2008


"When people show you who they are BELIEVE THEM the fist time." ~Maya Angelou~

It seems so basic. 

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