Tension

Tension is God’s gift to us, a gift that sometimes will not permit us to escape its presence. I believe that our creative energies are activated by just that kind of upsetting tension. It is in responding to this gnawing discomfort that we have the possibility of giving shape to dreams that are at once faithful to who we are and who we can become. - Paula Ripple, Growing Strong at Broken Places


Last night people who have walked with me in my faith journey in San Francisco gathered to pray for me and affirm me in my ordination. The evening was honestly too beautiful for me to feel capable of putting into words here. There were tears and smiles. So many of my doubts and fears where called out as untruth by the people who really know me. It was so amazing to hear their encouragement and believe it.

Nonetheless, the timing feels crazy. I am more aware of my brokenness than I have been before and I am in a place of seeking discernment for my for my role in community. It feels insane to me to think I am called into ministry. I am flawed. I have to confess that I know that I have hurt people that I wish I could heal. I am struggling to define forgiveness, grace and boundaries all at once. But I know that in this tension God is with me and the people that I long to love and serve and reconcile with. I do not know what the future will hold, but I am beginning to think that maybe the present with all of its searching and aching is more the point anyway.

Hope and Helaing

(I saw this on a screen printed poster yesterday at the Renegade Craft Fair, and when I googled the phrase about bazillion links popped up, apparently it speaks to allot of people. Point being it is my theme for today, and probably for tomorrow. You can buy it here.)

I talk a great deal on this blog about hope and healing. Funny thing is I feel like I am bleeding all over the place on this thing, sneaking in my woes between posts on pretty little things, adventures, and such. Nonetheless, in a very honest conversation with a friend yesterday she looked at me with surprise as she said that she would never guess I was struggling as much as I am. She was surprised because of how joy filled my blog is. Another friend pointed out that I cater this thing to an audience and because of that I hide the truth, just a tad. This is a moment of truth.

I am broken. Not just because this has been a hard year, or because last year and the year before were hard, but just because. I am not saying this with hopelessness that there will never be a good year. Last year was good, and so was the year before, as well as the 25 years that preceded them. They have also all been hard. Just like every other person on the planet, at the moment I feel that I am at the end of my tunnel I find out I have miles to go. Even with this hard truth, I post about the things that make me happy. I post about the little lights I find along the way. I post about the lights I find, because they are helping me admit that I am living in darkness and I am looking for a way out. They are also beautiful reminders that I am not in this tunnel alone (hence 2 lovely readers that were able to tell me the truth about what I write, clearly I have people walking along side me). Even in this darkness there are things that make be blissfully happy. I am surrounded by people who are willing to hold the light for me when I am too exhausted to see it, or even when I am too stubborn in my hopelessness to recognize it.

I am not sure if this is making any sense, but I admit that I am broken and bleeding in hopes that if someone else reading this is broken they will feel less alone. It also makes me feel less alone. I talk about the simple pleasures of life because God has created us as humans with amazing creativity that provides us with the tools to recreate our lives in amazing ways and I am looking to be recreated. I post to remind myself that I believe in hope and healing and joy. I remind myself that I believe it, because sometimes I don't. Sometimes I need something or someone outside of me to help me believe that someday I will find love, that I am as lovable as my friends seem to think I am, that I am a child of God and that my worth comes only from my Creator, and that is more than enough.

I am at war with the lies in my head, but somehow when I write I find the strength to grasp the truth. To all my readers (however many or few you are) thank you for motivating me to write the truth.

We are loved and worthy of love, and all we need is Love.

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.
C. S. Lewis

It is still Saturday, (becasue I haven't gone to bed yet)

I spent the day at Fort Mason and I got to see the beautiful sail boats that fill our little bay. Boats bring joy to my soul. I was there to enjoy the Renegade Craft Fair with Tracy and Lydia. It was fabulous and inspiring (as all hand made things are). I ended the evening with the lovely Laura watching Amy perform in the Magic Flute and than eating at Mel's. I cannot say that I love the San Francisco staple that is Mel's drive in, but the rest of the day was good for my heart.

Making Stuff and Making Friends

(I could caption all the photos, but really do I need to? I think not)

A week ago I took the terrarium making class at workshop with the lovely Robyn. Before heading over we went to the Green Chili Kitchen. (I am just mentioning that because I love that place and you should go there.) Anyway, it was a fabulous night! The instructor was gloriously fun, and all the materials were provided. She had gone gone shopping at Goodwill to get us all our glass options. (1. I love upcycling. 2. I really really love that I got to turn an old coffee pot into a terrarium!!) Plus, they gave us little zines so we can make our own terrariums at home any time we like.

This was my second class at workshop and I love how comfortable and communal the whole thing feels. Everyone is so chill and just happy to be creating something. I had so much fun I made an extra one. Oh, but most importantly I got to create something with a new friend.

I cannot express how much creating things is a healing process (especially when those things involve tiny little cake toppers). It means even more when that creation happens with new friends that are excited to walk beside you, even when they barely know you, as you heal.

Anyway, I can't wait to pick another class to take. I am thinking screen printing or sewing or if the do another ginger beer class I am so there!!

Some things you might should know: charcoal keeps terrariums from smelling bad and the best books on how to make terrariums are apparently the old school 1970's originals (at least that is what the instructor said, I have not personally done a comparison).

Morning Prayer

Oh Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely upon thy holy will. In every hour of the day reveal thy will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all the comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul. In all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering or embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray thou thyself in me. Amen. ~Eastern Orthodox Prayer~ (with some minor edits by me)

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"


These words are on the statue of liberty, and today the Arizona law went into effect.


Mathew 25: 34-36

³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

These are the words of Jesus in the parable of the sheep and goats, and today the Arizona law went into effect.

Things and projects that are making me happy right now

(I really do love these sarcastic little images.)

2 babies wedding weekend with Jules san francisco ordination party illustrating a children's book my new custom shirt by d.light a give away contest with d.light (giving you a chance to win a free custom shirt!) improving Abolitionist Diva meeting with SAGE talking to Lela learning how to screen print making a set of shirts new fabulous friends setting up my etsy shop Absinthe brewing Berry Picking running


I have so many wonderful things happening these days and for that I am grateful.