Tension is God’s gift to us, a gift that sometimes will not permit us to escape its presence. I believe that our creative energies are activated by just that kind of upsetting tension. It is in responding to this gnawing discomfort that we have the possibility of giving shape to dreams that are at once faithful to who we are and who we can become. - Paula Ripple, Growing Strong at Broken Places
Last night people who have walked with me in my faith journey in San Francisco gathered to pray for me and affirm me in my ordination. The evening was honestly too beautiful for me to feel capable of putting into words here. There were tears and smiles. So many of my doubts and fears where called out as untruth by the people who really know me. It was so amazing to hear their encouragement and believe it.
Nonetheless, the timing feels crazy. I am more aware of my brokenness than I have been before and I am in a place of seeking discernment for my for my role in community. It feels insane to me to think I am called into ministry. I am flawed. I have to confess that I know that I have hurt people that I wish I could heal. I am struggling to define forgiveness, grace and boundaries all at once. But I know that in this tension God is with me and the people that I long to love and serve and reconcile with. I do not know what the future will hold, but I am beginning to think that maybe the present with all of its searching and aching is more the point anyway.