I want to tell you that I am learning what it means to be holy. That my experiments are going well and that God is teaching me so much. I want to, but everything that isn't some heartbroken poetic rant feels contrived. So here is my best shot on what God is teaching me as I attempt to slow down and listen.
In the past few weeks I have started to recognize that God's love is entirely other than my own. God's love knows no boundaries and no limits. As a human my love should know boundaries and limits.
I have also recognized that for years as heartbreaking experiences have effected my life I have heard well meaning Christians say that God is trying to help me learn to depend on Him more. In a recent days I feel that God has been letting me know that I am being cared for. I do not have a God that is trying to break me, but one that is trying to hold me. As my lovely friend Chris said this weekend on a hike I was on: that is a different God.
I went on a beautiful hike this weekend with my faith community. I am so grateful to have them in my life. As I hiked I meditated on the words rebuild and be here. I was in a forest that had been logged for the rebuilding of San Francisco post earth quake. As I walked the metaphors were too obvious. Despite feeling like an old growth redwood that had been chopped down, The Creator assured me that my life is the forest not the tree. Moments and experiences of my life are trees being chopped down, but my life is summed up in the forest full of growth and beauty, as well as heart break and pain.
So, maybe I do have a lot to say, it just isn't coming out as clear and poetic as I would like it to. I am learning, growing and healing.