It is my lunch break at work and I am reading old posts. reading them in hopes that I posted an old poem on here... hopes dashed, I did not post it. still, hope renewed, as I read all the way back to the beginning of 2008 I see that God has done so much in me over these past two years. I wrote much less in 2009 than I would have hoped, and as I have stated before it was because much of what I was feeling was too personal to share in writing for the world to see, but still God I wish I had been faithful and I wish that I had been vulnerable enough to write it here, honest enough to bleed before everyone that reads this, because in truth I doubt that I have readers that don't know me and love me, and if I do then hopefully you are reading this because my messes encourage you in your journey. so with that I should be honest with you, I should share my joy and my pain and my promises. So I am starting now, with a halfway meaningless post, stating that I will again try harder to share with you the beauty of the journey I am on.
Confession 1 of 2010 - for months I have held onto something God has been asking me to let go of. This week I let it go. I let go in hopes that I will be given what I need to replace it.
Letting go has broken my heart. However, as I think of letting go I am reminded of a time a few months back my friend Scott led my tribe in the Eucharist. he talked about being broken so that we can be healed. It was in Christ's broken body we were given new life, it was in letting go of the promise of a warrior savior that we are able to embrace the gift of a loving sacrifice. when we give up the things we think we need, when we let go of the plans we hold onto, when we allow ourselves to be broken, we are given new life. So this is my new life, and I am grateful for it, even if it hurts. Without sorrow we would never fully understand joy, and without rejection we would never fully appreciate acceptance. In letting go I am able to open to holding something new, Dear Jesus, bring on the new.