(image found here)
The problem of modern living is that we are too busy to notice we are being blessed. ~Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved
I canceled most of my plans for the weekend, and just let others not happen by default. I have slowed down and sat in my room for more hours than is my usual, watching hours of Gilmore Girls, chatting a bit on the phone and processing the chaos that is my life. Mocked for how popular I am when I realize that I have three simultaneous commitments tonight, and I can only follow through with one. I could have tried to do two, but I would have ended up being neither here nor there, in other words absent from the blessing of being with either group. I chose the third of my three over-committed options, because it was the place of established blessing. The others were opportunities to be with amazing people and establish new relationships, but I needed the third. I need the slower option, the trusted option: time with two women who have walked with me in a thousand moments like this one, where I am asking myself where this chaos is going and if it will ever be any different.
I am being blessed, in all areas of my life, not in that they are going well (though so many of them are) but in that I have amazing people to walk with me in them. Nonetheless, it seems at times I am missing the blessing. The discipline of slowness (not an official discipline but an important one in my book) seems to be crucial to develop a sense of gratefulness and recognition that I am blessed and beloved. Running around in chaos I get lost in the feeling that I might miss out on something, my life might not be full enough, but when I am slow, and in solitude for some time, I am able to see that I have friends that have astounding patience with me, deep love for me and find joy in simply being with me. They find my adventures amusing, grieve my hurts and celebrate my success. I am blessed. Still, I need desperately to take the time to be still with those blessings or I forget that just 6 days ago I had a friend here visiting me from the other end of the country. When I am rushed, distracted and over committed all I can think about are the things I long for, when I am still I am able to celebrate the life I have.