Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Angry Conversations with God
I heard a speaker talk at my church on Sunday and I was both inspired and annoyed. She said a great deal of what I wish people would say about knowing God. Basically that it is hard work, the church is messing it up, and we have screwed-up ideas of God in our heads for a ton of reasons that have nothing to do with God. She had a lot of really great things to say about God and us.
The thing that annoyed me was that it was pitched a singles event and she was pitched as being angry with God because she was single longer than she wanted to be (note: she is now married).
To be honest I am often angry with God. But not for the reasons most people expect. I don't see God as a husband or a father. I have never had a husband and I have had God in my life, my entire life. So God is something else. I don't see God as my father. I love my dad, but he is clearly not God and I don't think the comparison is fair to either one of them. So to add to those statements I am not mad at God for failing to be the husband I want or the father I want. God is neither of those two things.
I get mad at God for not being the God I want. That is what I am working on right now with my relationship with God. You see I want a God that doesn't allow starvation, war, poverty, tragedy, sickness, loneliness, and pain to be so dominant in the world. I want a God that didn't think it was a good idea to allow sin to exist. I want a God that is God. In control and keeping all things Good. I want a God that never let sin happen. I am not mad at God because I am 28 and single. That is just ridiculous. I am mad at God because everyday I interact with people that have never felt loved.
BTW: I am a moody ridiculous creature, and probably will not be mad at God by the time this thing posts to my blog.
Here is the thing, I think God is relational. I think God can handle my anger and that if we don't fight every now and than we will simply stop talking to each other. I think God can handle conflict. More that that I am trusting God that God will handle it. Today God and I are getting along just fine, but I get mad pretty often. I used to be scared of my anger, but I am beginning to think it is a good thing. It is keeping me honest.
I may or may not read the book. I am leaning toward reading it (although I do think the book cover is terrible). I will say this woman is funny and you should check her out.