Sitting in the balcony of a megga church in Denton, Texas tears streamed down my face. My older sister put her hand on my shoulder not sure of why I was crying. To be honest I wasn't even sure. It was as if that morning was a hint of the tears that were soon it come. It was Christmas 2009, and I was ready to let go. I came home to San Francisco and embarked on one of the most heartbreaking years of my life. My friendships changed, my housing changed, and my faith changed. I was doing the work of hoping: trusting that little tiny voice in my heart that was crying out for something more than what I was settling for. The tears were so intense they took me to the floor on more occasions than I can count and more than this prideful heart would like to admit, but a year later I can say I found the hope I was longing for. I found love so much greater than I was allowing myself to have and even as I am still single, going on random dates and being hit on in bars by men I find amusing at best, I now know that I am surrounded by love. My sisters were both married at 21, and by Texas standards I am an old maid, but my life overflows with love.
I just finished rewatching Love Actually. Here is the thing I enjoy most about this movie, the love in this movie is messy and it doesn't always work. Some of these stories are failures and some of them are ridiculous, but they are love stories nonetheless. My life might not be a romance but is is a love story, and for that I am grateful.
Merry Christmas (even if it is December 28th) and Happy New Year! May 2011 be the year of love.