rain, sorrow, and waiting

(image found here)

Rain drops seeping through my sweatshirt, allowing my vices permission to win, begging the tears to fall as I wait in painful anticipation for this longing to end, hoping for the day that the questions will fade, I hear you whisper through the rain, 'I am with you.'
This is not the story I imagined myself in, this is not the hope I have been waiting for, and I know I have gained more than I lost, but I am mourning, still. It has been ages and this heart is still mending. There are parties to attend and the rain has yet to wash this mess away. Still, I will praise the God who gives and takes away.
It is a slow and constant struggle, but maybe this is what it means to be fully alive; to cherish and love the tears I cannot cry. I feel the need to quote a thousand songs of people who have said it better than I.
Maybe this is what advent is about. Longing, hoping, praying, begging for redemption and reconciliation. The rain will make the world green again, but it is only December and spring is far away.
Tonight as I celebrate the coming Savior, I am aware that am still waiting.

The Casting Crowns song Praise You In The Storm has been in my head a lot lately, but the video was too cheesy for me to post it here.